After a tutorial today with Phil we further discussed my pre viz and I feel like I'm the closest I've ever been to being finished with my pre viz. There are some elements of the film that couldn't been shown through pre viz so I've annotated the majority of the film. Changes made from the last version: some shots have been removed and I have changed the end of the train scene. Instead of the camera pulling out of the train carriage away from Doris, wiping past and lowering to the bridge arch fading into the church window, I've done a wipe cut like in Jaws to cut to the separation scene. Next steps are to act out and film my animation references to further discover my film.
Update since my last post: Phil edited my pre viz and put in annotations of things to change and replace, this post sees those visual changes put in. In my Minor feedback the audio was addressed, I am working with a composer, these sounds are just temporary to help me sense the story a bit more, when my composer has give me something to start with I will work the sounds around that better. I understand why the audience might get horror/creep vibes from the heartbeat (now removed from this version), and the loud train sounds that sounds like you're trapped in the belly of an industrial machine (softened a bit in this version). This was somewhat intentional because I want to get across how frightening someone in Fred's position would have been and when someone is frightened of anxious, their senses heighten so that's what I was going for.
In my last pre viz post I mentioned about a different way to shoot the trees/the passing of time. Today I have been trying to do this with the help of the video below, however it is proving to be very difficult.
In the video below I've only posted the changes I'm thinking of making/keeping in Act 2, it is my second attempt at the above effect which isn't very good but I hope it's clear what I'm trying to do and how. Also in the update below I have tried to build tension where the host approaches Fred after he drops and smashes the dishes, I want the audience to be concerned before they know completely why they should be concerned. After that I think I know what I'm doing with my film once all of my characters are animation ready ready for post viz.
Below is the full pre viz with sound with the above changes in, like I said in the last post, the story starts in September - end of summer and I imagine the real story to have been a few months at most so it will end in Winter. I put a butterfly at the end of the film but butterflies don't come out in winter so I will be replacing it with a robin and in the logo/title. For now I feel like pre viz has took me as far as it can, it's time for me to focus on creating the rest of my characters.
Progress 14 is still not the final thing but I feel it's improved and I'm getting close! I can feel it now and the bigger picture of the film I want to make is starting to come together in my mind. After talking to Phil yesterday about Act 2's montage we decided the next step forward was to try out a different way of telling that part of the story, so instead of repeating quick shots and overlaying shots in a montage we decided to try a more linear approach. This meant Fred's abuse sequence is shown and the camera focuses on a tree changing in the seasons to convey the passing of time better. The story starts in September - end of summer and I imagine the real story to have been a few months at most so it will end in Winter. I put a butterfly at the end of the film but butterflies don't come out in winter so I will be replacing it with a robin and in the logo/title. I'm not sure about how I've presented the trees - I want to try out instead of having still shots that fade into one another, it might be better and more effective for the camera to rotate around the model of a tree - orbiting it whilst it changes. I feel like it would push that element of time passing better and be more immersive to an audience maybe, also I feel like I'd be using pushing a strength of the animated medium. Something the pre viz doesn't show but the post viz will is that when Fred is at his stage of extreme tiredness where he drops the dishes his appearance would have changed dramatically.
Feeling like I'm nearer to completely understanding my film, my pre viz is as complete as I can make it at the moment, I don't feel like this is 100% the film I want to make just yet. In this version I have added sound and rejigged the montage a little bit. My pre viz is limited mainly because the purpose of me making it was for me to figure out my shot angles, my set, what props I'll need etc. It is limited in how much it conveys due to its undeveloped sets, props, and the use of moom. I havent dressed Fred's moom 100% to how he will look, so when he is inside he'll have his coat and hat off, by the end of the montage he'll look noticably different. There are some shots in the montage I have thought about and haven't put in yet such as a tree that turns brown and dies with the seasons that Fred looks out at through the window - also when Rosa is on set she will be carrying a handbag. The song at the end is just a placeholder I felt contributed to the emotion, I plan on there being a soundtrack the whole way through.
For the past few days I have been working on Act 3 of my pre viz as I would like to submit a full version of the film, I know for a fact whatever I submit won't be the final thing as I will get feedback and I need a break from it before I can look at it with fresh eyes and improve it. Act 2 still needs a lot of fixing which I will be doing after I have finished pre vizing Act 3 which the majority of is done below. The second video is my whole pre viz so far which I have posted to recap Acts 1+2 and to see it with Act 3. Act 1 I'd like to think is completed but we'll see how it goes. Neither videos have sound yet which may help understand whats going on in parts. I struggle to judge it because the majority of the final thing is missing and I'm trying to imagine the bigger picture as I'm doing it.
Act 3 is the not so happy reunion between Doris and Fred, it starts after the montage where Fred has been kicked out the house and left on the doorstep, he sees the milkman's unattended cart (I am not using a horse and cart anymore). He's so hungry he goes over and steals a bottle which he cant swallow quick enough, but when he sees someone coming he drops the bottle on the floor and collapses by the tree - exhausted he drifts off by the tree as Doris walks down the street. Feeling hopeless she sits by the wall staring at the picture of Fred wondering if she'll ever find him as she is sitting literally back to back with him. The milk Fred drank starts to have an affect making him hiccup (or burp) which Doris hears and makes her giggle - she peers over the wall to see who made the noise finally finding Fred. It takes Doris a moment to realise Fred isn't ok, when he looks at her at first he sees Rosa in a blur but his vision focuses to see it's Doris. She climbs over the wall and hits the ground next to him and pulls him close for a hug - she'll get him out somehow. The middle part of Act 3 is very short where she sends a letter home to Rosa, we don't see what the letter says but judging by the next scene I hope the audience can guess.
Below are my quick (very, very) rough initial storyboards for Act 3 that I quickly doodled before I forgot it. The drawing below you read in columns rather than rows so downwards instead of across.
"At the moment my pre viz comes across like Doris is searching for Fred the next day and that its not weeks/months that have passed in all, to show the passing of time better I could for example: show the seasons change out the window, or a flower pot that gradually wilts, or a tree changing in the seasons, or a clock, or newspaper dates etc. Phil introduced me to something called 'pathetic fallacy' which is for example, how the human moods affect the weather which I've already exhibited in the first shot where he is sad therefore it's raining, but I should/could feature it more throughout."
Watching last night's work again, I noticed what wasn't working fully - how they physically parted. I can now say that I am happy with Act 1, I don't feel I need quicker paced shots as the speed I have now I feel is better and more like they're clinging to every second they are with each other. My next goal is to have Act 3 completed by the end of Friday/Saturday, I am going to save amending Act 2 for after Act 3's completion.
Today I've been retelling the separation scene in the second half of Act 1. I've tried to tell it as though it's a surprise and panic to both of them that they're being separated and that it's hard for them to part. Doris realises before Fred does. I don't know if I've achieved what I wanted too which was a sense of panic and heartbreak at being separated, making it easy to imagine what they would have felt. Maybe I need quicker shots or whether sound can add the element I feel is maybe missing. Moving on to Act 2 and eventually Act 3.
Here is my attempt at building up the closeness of Doris's and Fred's sibling bond so that when they are separated it will feel more traumatic and heartbreaking. From my last progress I have used the Moom rigs to add facial expression that are more accurate to what I will have, close up shots of these expressions and a moment where Doris grabs Fred's hand to calm him - an idea I had from the start in my animatic and lost in pre viz. I've also added an evacuee propaganda poster in the church bit just to explicitly show they're evacuees being collected.
Here is progress 7 of my pre viz, over the weekend I got together shots for my montage and have attempted to put it together, I am not happy with the montage just yet as I want to have some split screens at some point and maybe an opacity drop of Doris searching over a shot of Fred trying to escape from the cupboard or doing chores.
UPDATE: After a tutorial with Phil today, there's improvements to be made and more opportunities to be taken with my storytelling. I'm more aware now that something I struggle with is understanding what an audience needs when watching my film and I need to put myself in the shoes of someone completely new to my project watching it for the first time. At the moment my pre viz comes across like Doris is searching for Fred the next day and that its not weeks/months that have passed in all, to show the passing of time better I could for example: show the seasons change out the window, or a flower pot that gradually wilts, or a tree changing in the seasons, or a clock, or newspaper dates etc. Phil introduced me to something called 'pathetic fallacy' which is for example, how the human moods affect the weather which I've already exhibited in the first shot where he is sad therefore it's raining, but I should/could feature it more throughout. Also the scene where they are separated needs to be more traumatising for both of them, I knew before I wanted this to be a heart wrenching traumatic scene but it's gonna take me some time to get there and I'm slowly learning what power a film maker has and what I can do. I imagined Doris as being very obedient but it comes across like she knew and had expected to be separated from Fred which I don't think was the case and would be more effective for the story if she didn't. I'm going to revisit Act 1 to a) make the separation scene more traumatising for the characters (someone in the background could be putting a ticking clock on this scene by telling Doris to leave) b) put a propaganda posted on the chuch wall about taking in evacuaees and c) build up more before the church scene the closeness and strenght of Doris's and Fred's sibling bond.
After this bit I plan for Fred to be outside smelling food from the window or for him to be resting against the stone wall, Doris comes along and sits on the other side of this wall at her lowest point too, on the verge of giving up and that she'll never find her brother. When Fred steals milk from the float is when I plan on Doris finding him, she catches him in the act and goes to touch him or give him a hug which he flinches at and doesn't want to be touched, Doris just sits with him and offers him the last little bit of chocolate she has left.
I am much happier with my Pre Viz than my last post, Act 1 is now complete and I am happy to move on from it. The last shot is the first shot of Act 2 which reveals the neglect he suffers and Doris's search for him via a montage - I aim to have Act 2 finished by the end of Sunday.
So here is Progress 5, I felt like this pre viz was getting worse the more into it I got, I was disconnecting and being bored with my own film. After talking to Phil today I'm feeling a lot better and on track as it was necessary for me to hit a wall in order to step back and have the discussion about what was wrong and how to turn it all around.
Since my animatic I have got better with my camera shots and they are conveying more emotion however the timing is too long and there are loads I can cut and compress. The idea is I am going to thrust the audience into this story just like Fred was, they are to feel just as lost and confused as Fred was. I was showing and telling everything but it's better to let the audience use their common sense instead and figure it out. This means I'm going to move the title of the film to the end with the credits.
The order of my pre viz at the moment is wrong and there are better ways to transition. I had intended to do a scene that involved a pub (after the milk scene) and after that a montage. My montage will now take place inside the house and has been moved to after the separation scene, at the end of the montage Fred is kicked out the house and forced to be outside where he smells the food and in his darkest hour steals milk which is when Doris finds him. Doris's main scene was sending a letter home to get help but again this would be telling and showing everything, if Doris finds Fred and shows up with Rosa - it's obvious Doris has gone to get Rosa, "How?" is not important or vital to understanding the story. But for this to make sense the audience need to see prior to that, that Doris is searching for her little brother. Leading up to Fred's darkest hour it would be effective to see Doris looking for Fred which the audience roots for her to do but she fails until the final act. There's an old music video that shows this idea (below) at 1:33 - 2:06, the two people are looking for each other but they're always just missing each other - I would do this all in one location. I could split the screen and have a brick wall going down the middle and they be on either side of it.
My new 3 Act Structure:
Act 1: Trauma of Separation - Fred and Doris are on the train, they end up in the church where they both are separated, Fred is reluctant to let his sister go but eventually does, alone in his corner a shadow looms over him to which he looks up at - END. It will be more quick paced and choppier than in the pre viz above.
Act 2: Montage of Abuse and Doris's search - Now inside the host's house Fred's abuse begins, ideas as to what could happen: given hardly any food, made to do all the chores, doesn't sleep in a bed - on the floor, shut in a closet/cupboard under the stairs, physically abused/assaulted? The main purpose of this scene is to build up empathy for Fred and to build up eagerness and desperation for Doris to find Fred.
Act 3: The Rescue - Doris finds Fred and gets him help - Rosa, (maybe at first he sees Rosa before he gets a clearer look of Doris?) This is the part when Fred gets avenged, Rosa gives his host punishment of some sort - I need to think of how to reverse the roles so the woman feels like Fred has - black eye too far??? Once reunited they begin the journey home, on train like at the start or just walks off together into the distance?
Halfway through I switched to using Moom rigs in costume as I couldn't really work out much with my characters in a fixed position. Progress 4 has been my attempt to work out the scene where Doris and Fred get separated in a church hall, this scene is very important for building up emotion and sympathy for Fred as it's the first time in his life he would have been separated from his sister. I used my own emotional experiences to try and understand what my Grandad went through and how he would have felt, my Mum told me that on my first day of school I had clung to her and wouldn't let her go when I realised she was going home without me, I vaguely remember it but unlike my character he doesn't cause a scene or have a tantrum but accepts it, goes into submission and cries in the corner curled up in a ball until someone approaches him to take him away.
In my animatic, I was happy with these panels because I felt they expressed emotion and I feel emotion towards these drawings as a sequence. But when I pre vized it something felt a bit off and I can't tell what - below the panels are screenshots of my scene set up variations. It could be Moom that's throwing me off a bit, I will revisit this scene to figure it out completely.
Since the last update, I have rethought the flashback scene and added sound, for now, I'm satisfied with this first part enough to move on - I will revisit this once I have the rest sussed out. Next steps are to suss out how I'm going to shoot the church scene where Doris and Fred get separated, an important part of the story as this would have been the first time in their lives that they would have been separated and I want to convey how tough that must have been on them - especially Fred as the younger sibling.
This is the other opening option I have given myself in addition to the previous post, I will decide later on which one I will definitely go with and if there are anymore changes to be made, until then, my next steps are to add sound and carry on figuring out the rest of the camera shots/story.
After speaking to both my tutors, I have put character modelling on halt until I have sussed out my story and have made that my priority. I started this by doing more drawings but the problem was my drawings don't convey much emotions they are quite flat and don't do much for me, so it was time I moved into Maya got behind a camera and began experimenting - this is what I've come up with so far. My problem is I don't notice things straight away or they don't occur to me until later on so this is just progress 1 and I am coming back to revise the opening, I don't think I should start it how I have - I think my opening shot should be the one looking downward on the train that eases in on Fred's face. I had made the decision to cut the flashback dream where Fred thinks about leaving his Mum, (based on the test) but I am now thinking that was a mistake - I'm not going to cut it completely I will just shorten it and take a different approach. I also plan to move where I introduce the title as well, I am going to move it to the end of this video and use the butterfly as a transition between the train station and the church scene.
I'm going to gather more SFX before putting it with the video. I've finally got the microtubules to grow, created better transitions, I've reverted back to the other music as it seemed to work best, any jazz music just didn't feel right so I'm sticking with this more friendly upbeat music. I have more creative transitions now. After sorting out the SFX I'm going to experiment with lighting/shadows for all scenes and z depth pass on the last scene with all the cells.
