A Time Apart: Pre Viz Progress 1

After speaking to both my tutors, I have put character modelling on halt until I have sussed out my story and have made that my priority. I started this by doing more drawings but the problem was my drawings don't convey much emotions they are quite flat and don't do much for me, so it was time I moved into Maya got behind a camera and began experimenting - this is what I've come up with so far. 

My problem is I don't notice things straight away or they don't occur to me until later on so this is just progress 1 and I am coming back to revise the opening, I don't think I should start it how I have - I think my opening shot should be the one looking downward on the train that eases in on Fred's face. I had made the decision to cut the flashback dream where Fred thinks about leaving his Mum, (based on the test) but I am now thinking that was a mistake - I'm not going to cut it completely I will just shorten it and take a different approach. I also plan to move where I introduce the title as well, I am going to move it to the end of this video and use the butterfly as a transition between the train station and the church scene.