Inner Kintsugi

A few months ago at the beginning of lockdown, my aunt gave me a book that she thought would help me cope with the circumstances we have all found ourselves in. That book was called Ichigo Ichie by Héctor García and Francesc Miralles and is about making the most of the present the Japanese way.

In one chapter it discussed 'Kintsugi' also known as golden repair. It is a Japanese pottery fixing technique in which the broken parts are reattached with gold, as a way of creating beauty from imperfection and damage. In another part of the book, it talked about the Buddhist perspective of compassion, and it doesn't mean feeling pity for someone but rather a profound empathy that allows us to put ourselves in the situation of the other to understand their motivations and, if necessary, their mistakes.

"Just like delicate porcelain, the human heart can be damaged but concealing the damage out of shame isn’t the solution, damage is part of our history and has brought us to where we are. Just for this, it deserves the brilliance of gold, reflecting a light that is our own. Having problems is part of being alive. Our difficulties and how we face them more than our periods of contentment, are what shapes us throughout the course of our lives." - Ichigo Ichie, 2019

These two ideas got me thinking about my Mum and our relationship. Everyone has good and bad moments in their lives. Every obstacle she has faced, in her moments when she should have been weak, she always showed strength and resilience. All her wounds have shaped her into the woman she is today, and that is someone I couldn't be more proud of. She deserves the brilliance of gold, reflecting a light that is completely her own.

I've always felt like my Mum has been fiercely protective of me and stricter with me than my sister. As I've reached adulthood that grip has loosened, but growing up I often resisted it. I created this painting as a reflection, and as a reminder, of the understanding I have towards her motivations, and of the compassion I should have when I feel that urge to resist. Everything she's done has been to prevent me and my sister developing our own cracks, but when we inevitably do, she's been the one to show us how to turn those cracks into radiant gold.

Below are some WIP images: It took me a while to get my Mum's face right, also, the screen I was working on was a lot warmer than my mac's screen so some colour correction was done.